Forgive my absence these past weeks; I suffered a major fall and managed to knock myself out, bust open my head, scare my children, scare the neighbor’s children, cause lots of drama during a kicked-back dinner party down the street, and ruin a super-cute summer dress.

How, you ask? I fell off a scooter. No, not a motorized scooter like this:

 

Falling off this would have been a bit less embarrassing, but...

Falling off this would have been a bit less embarrassing, but…

A scooter like this:

The Y Flicker Scooter. Also known as The Killer

The Y Flicker Scooter – aka: The Killer.

As if that’s not enough, I still have a serious concussion that prevents me from reading, writing, watching bad reality television, and drinking anything resembling a cocktail. I realize that I made the decision to ride on The Killer, so I am slightly to blame.

Notice that after the word "age" it clearly states "41" (not "9").

Notice that after the word ‘age’ it clearly states “41” and not “9”.

 

And as if THAT’S not enough, I am guessing the bill for this little tragedy will hover around $2,000. Apparently cat scans and head-staples are pricy.

So small, yet SO pricey? Like diamonds, except not at all.

So small, yet SO expensive? Like diamonds, except not at all.

 

So, I’ve been spending a lot of time being quiet. Which really means not doing anything remotely interesting because I am supposed to rest my brain. And while I know the grass is always greener, I think a broken leg may have been better because at least I could read and not have to wear sunglasses inside during the day and could enjoy a cold glass of sauvignon blanc while rolling my eyes at the housewives of New Jersey. Did I mention that eye-rolling is also forbidden? I am barely surviving.

During my “being quiet” time, I’ve been nauseated at the thought of the impending ER bill. I started wondering what I could do with an extra $2,000? And then I decided to take the chance on permanent brain damage and research what, exactly, I would could buy with $2,000.

And then I felt worse.

Because look at all the fabulous stuff I found:

Four matching bar stools.

Four matching bar stools for my kitchen.

A 2001 Civic Coupe on Craigslist (I would only buy this because the word 'coupe' is so 1953.

A 2001 Civic on Craigslist. Ugly, but still – an entire car for $2K?

 

 

Aquazzura suede sandals in raspberry (FYI: I was not wearing these when I fell, thank God. What if they had been damaged!?)

Aquazzura suede sandals in raspberry (FYI: I was not wearing these when I fell, thank God. What if they had been damaged!?)

and!

These lace stunners from the one and only Jimmy C.

These lace stunners from the one and only Jimmy C.

 

Two of these fun light fixtures from Anthropologie.

Two of these fun light fixtures from Anthropologie.

 

These sparklers from Barney's.

Sparklers from Barney’s would look fantastic with my ice pack.

 

A heart difibulator.

A heart difibulator is a nice addition to any home.

 

Three of these awesome outdoor chairs - way safer than the scooter!

Three of these awesome outdoor chairs. Safer and almost as thrilling as the scooter.