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Current events at the Blackfords:

  • We are receiving loads of gorgeous Christmas cards from friends and family, all full of good wishes and photos brimming with happy faces and sweet anecdotes
  • My children are achieving their secret goal of driving me to commit a heinous crime

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The thing my children don’t understand is that if they do, in fact, push me to a place that would surely require jail time, I won’t be around to help them find their *#$^% shoes, library books, sparkle pencil from Victoria, gum, water bottle, balloon animal that I threw away six days ago, birthday money, plastic mermaid tail that attaches to a Barbie except in never ever stays on hence the reason it is missing and that one Lego guy has the sword that sort of looks like a bat but it’s actually a sword, mom (insert exaggerated eye-roll).

I won’t be here to ask them if they’ve brushed their teeth and tell them AGAIN that I know they didn’t and then tell them AGAIN that their teeth will rot and fall out of their heads and tell them AGAIN that Santa cannot stand children with dirty teeth. I won’t be here re-wash clean clothes that they shoved down the laundry shoot because they were too exhausted (seriously, you’re 8 years-old – how exhausted can you be?) to put them away or explain to them that dropping your open backpack in that one extra-special 20 by 20 inch spot at the foot of one set of stairs and the top of another is not ideal for really anyone. I won’t be here to listen to them argue over who has more egg nog because all I know is it is not me because the $6 egg nog is now gone and I didn’t have one tiny sip…

Sorry – where was I going with this?

Right – Christmas cards! Christmas cards from sane families who brush their teeth and share egg nog.

I read in a magazine (just now, it’s 2:07AM FYI) to snap photos of the Christmas cards you receive and assign them to the appropriate contact in your phone. That way, when a friend calls you on your way to prison, the photo of their happy, clean-teethed family will pop up. Smart idea!

Not my iPhone, not my hand (like I've had a manicure? come on!).

Not my iPhone, not my hand (like I’ve had a manicure? come on!).

I have just pulled all of my Christmas cards off the handrail where they were hanging (it is now 2:19AM).

 

Spoiler-alert: Not my banister, not my children, not my cards.

Spoiler-alert: Not my banister, not my children, not my cards.

 

Tomorrow I plan on having my children do this little project for me. They love me my iPhone and this idea will keep them busy for at least 14 minutes.

See you next time at The Neighbor’s House …. if I’m not in the Big House.

PS – just saw this little arts and crafts project. Is cutting out the Holy Family the same as going to Sunday mass? Let’s hope.